Happily, my freak out factor is lower today. I have my first interview set up for Monday, for a job that would be missional relationship building in addition to bringing in some money. Of all the jobs I've applied for, this one really sticks out (and I'm less worried about the interview on this one, because it deals with something I already have strong opinions about; its more likely that I'll be able to explain myself, even though, on paper, this is a job that I'm less qualified for than others I applied for,...regardless of how it goes, this state of calm is definitely a God thing).
Even though my children will both be starting school this fall (at the tender ages of 3 and 6), its still hard for me to wrap my brain around the idea of not being home with them fulltime, anymore. Both of my children have special needs, and for the last three years, my biggest focus has been on how to help them learn how to learn. My "job" has been being their advocate, communicating with teachers and therapists on how to translate what my children were feeling, since it took such a long time for them to begin to be able to say it for themselves. They needed me to be completely involved to help them communicate, especially at first. Maybe I'll make a separate post on what all this entailed, later.
Now, after much hard work by my children and everyone involved, they've both made tremendous progress. They are working on being more independant and learning to focus on what their teachers are trying to tell them. It means its time for Mommy to step back and let them try out what they've learned in a safe, controlled environment. This is very hard to do. Our world isn't "back to normal", by any means, but we've adjusted and are well versed in what to pull from our bag of tricks to help keep our kids on an even keel. Now, we're setting aside more of the tricks and seeing how they can cope. Soon, I'll be juggling family duties and work duties, and I'm not overly gifted with coordination. Like I said, this isn't easy.
But I'm not as freaked out as I was.
10 months ago